Etch
by KyoKyon
Summary: A one-shot. JoeySeto


**KyonKyon: This is my first attempt at a Yu-Gi-Oh one-shot. This is a bittersweet tale. S/J. I was inspired by this poem 'Perpetual Present' by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Enjoy.**

* * *

_I try to memorize him  
with the soft pads of my fingertips.  
Closing my eyes  
and slowly tracing  
the cheekbone's rise and gleam  
the moist, fragile skin around the eye  
the jawbone  
square, angled, tight  
roughened by the days relentless growth._

_I will my heart into my fingertips  
and move them through the soft curling  
hair on the broad chest  
rising and falling  
rising and falling over the heart.  
My hand moves down the hard belly  
And I find  
I cannot remember,  
in every detail,  
the line of his face  
I touched only a moment ago.  
It has already begun to fade._

_And I had wanted to hold it forever._

_He strokes my arm  
runs his broad fingers  
down the naked curve of my back  
over the smoothness of my thigh  
draped across him.  
Is he trying to memorize me also? _

We cannot hang on to this moment  
Even knowing it is the last moment.  
Life pulls us  
like a great tidal wave  
sweeping us forward  
dragging us into the perpetual present.  
Our memories of this moment  
will change and be shaped  
by new desires and disappointments.

And I will forget I knew even this

* * *

Running his slender fingers down the sleeping man, his fingers trembled slightly, hesitating, reluctant to disturb the sleep that his lover was embraced in.

_I always thought I would be the one to go…_

Summer had long come and gone. The colours seemed to fade in and out of the world. He didn't know what the sky looked like anymore. It seemed that everything was always white.

_You held my hand during those summer days when everything seemed so fine…_

The rain outside seemed to hold a special meaning unknown to others, even himself. The rain droplets splashed onto the cold windowpane and slid down to join the other fat droplets, sliding down. It looked almost like tears. Whose tears? He couldn't tell…his vision was too blurred…Why? Raising a shaky hand, he felt the raindrop slid down his face too…Was it raining in here?

_I loved you so much that it hurt…I was so afraid of the intense feeling inside my heart, always threatening to overwhelm me…_

They said he looked awful nowadays. He didn't know what to say or what they expected him to say in return. Every time he blinked, it seemed someone else was standing there, looking at him with concern and sadness. Why're you sad? He longed to ask them that but the words simply wouldn't come out. Sometimes in the middle of the night, he would suddenly wake up and throw an arm sleepily at his side, expecting to feel the oh-so familiar figure next to him…to sleepily grunt something…feel his calloused fingers slid into his thick hair and hear his smile as he grouched, _" Damn pup…"_

_To say that we were in love was an understatement. It went beyond that…we NEEDED each other. In a crowd, I would always be searching for your face, your eyes and that familiar cocky grin. I wouldn't feel complete till you were next to me…_

He remembered once when they were at the park. It was summer…or was it? Did it always seem like summer in his mind? He could still smell the faint pungent smell of the freshly cut grass, the hotness of the sun and the melting ice cream which was nearly crushed in his hand as he was kissed. Beneath closed lids, he could see the colours swim; red, blue, gold and black. Surprised by the kiss, he slowly responded to the kiss. It wasn't everyday that he showed affections in public. He could still taste the kiss; minty with a hint with sweetness and everything Seto. Brushing his lips lightly with his fingers, he was suddenly startled out of his memory when he caught sight of the dark ceiling. There was no familiar lump beside him…familiar welling of his eyes, the tears already falling…why was he always crying?

_I don't remember the times before there was us._

He was trying to memorize his face, etching them into his heart. Slowly his fingers ran down his thick brown hair, noting the lack of life in them…he always loved to run his fingers through them annoy him. _" Quit it, pup…it took me a long time to style it this way."_

Of course he knew. He was always the one watching him when mornings came.

His forehead, over his nose, caressing his sunken cheeks and skimming lightly over his pale lips. His eyes wouldn't open…he wanted to see those cold cerulean eyes which would only light up for him.

_I could drown in those eyes…with their intensity and their passion. Maybe I want to drown…lose myself in those blue eyes of his…to forget everything but him…_

_I always thought it would be me who was going to go first. Watching you, you were so strong…unlike me, who was weak. I needed you so much it scared me sometimes. I was afraid of what I would do if you left me. I prayed you wouldn't.  
I was weak. I couldn't find the strength to even imagine what I would do without you. You would have scoffed and said, " Silly pup, I'm not going anywhere…" But today as I watch you lie on the bed, I wonder if someone up there had heard you and decided to prove you wrong. For once._

_I wish you were right. I wish…you were here with me. _

_All I can feel is the emptiness. _

_I am bewildered nowadays. I always seem to see you. My heart hurts…it doesn't want to let go. It's looking for you….but my eyes can't find you. Where are you?_

_Are you hiding? You like teasing me but don't be cruel. _

_Yet today as I watch you drift, I know…it wasn't a game. You weren't hiding. And I still couldn't find you. _

_You seem so wrong in that bed. It was the wrong bed. You were supposed to be at home, curled up with me after our lovemaking, our limbs tangled and the cooling sweat on our body, not with all those tubes attached to you. _

_I still remember the last words you said before you drifted away._

" _Don't cry…" _

" _I'm not gonna cry over ya, you jerk! Ya promised me so you'd better come back or I'm gonna tell the whole world that you're a wuss!" my voice wobbled dangerously. I didn't want to hear the wobble. I had to be strong._

_The loud shrieking of the machine pierced through the silent air. _

_What was that sound? It was so loud…_

_I never got to say goodbye to you…you simply…went. Leaving this cold empty shell behind. I woke up facing a white ceiling. Again. What am I to without you? How am I to carry on? I see your smile in my mind. I can't cry anymore. _

_Softly I lock the door in my mind. I'll be with you forever inside…I won't ever have to say goodbye now. _

_I can see you smile brilliantly, your cerulean eyes no longer cold. Holding out a hand, you utter your familiar cocky words, " Hey pup, you gonna sit there all day? Get your lazy butt moving…" And I gladly do so, feeling the warmness of our palms. _

_It was summer._


End file.
